Questions
by Artemis's Liege
Summary: Trixie loves Jim, but does he return her feelings? Or is there another "special girl" in his life?


**A/N:** All I can say is that I'm sick and tired of all the hatred directed at Dot. Seriously, can it be rationalized or justified in any way beyond writers' penchant for slutshaming and expressing internalized misogyny?

All mistakes were intentional, as this is a troll fic.

**Disclaimer:** Trixie Belden and all of its characters belong to Random House, Inc. No profit was/is/will be produced from this page.

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One day, Trixie was in her room. She was sobbing and crying and angrily pounding her fist through the wall because Jim hadn't asked her to be his girlfriend. Because that was what Trixie did. She sat around and cried because a boy didn't like her. It's not like she solved mysteries, or had any interests outside of chasing boys or anything (Chasing boys_ chastely_, that is. Trixie is no slut).

"Oh, woe!" Trixie sighed in misery. "I'm fourteen years old, and Jim has yet to ask me to marry him! When will he realize my feelings for him?"

Music suddenly began to play from no apparent source: it sounded like a Kylie Minogue song.

Then a dude randomly appeared in Trixie's room. He was exactly like Sassy Gay Friend from those Youtube videos! He had the scarf and everything! It was . . . Sassy Gay Friend!

"What, _what_, _**what**_ are you doing?" He demanded.

Trixie sniffled, then wailed, "The love of my life doesn't love me!"

Sassy Gay Friend looked rather disgusted. "'Love of your life'? Aren't you like, twelve or something?"

"James Winthrop Frayne is the only man I could ever love for eternity!" Trixie screeched.

Sassy Gay Friend artfully tossed his scarf. "Look at your life! Look at your choices! Seriously, kid, enjoy your childhood, don't rush things! When you're ready to date, keep it casual and don't make any lifelong commitments. Don't grow up too fast, being an adult isn't all that great. And don't date any college guys when you're still in high school. You're too young for that level of a relationship, and it probably gets really lonely. You'll miss out on a lot of fun while waiting and weeping for your man to return to you."

"Aren't you Sassy Gay Friend?" Trixie asked, acting like a total ingrate and completely ignoring his advice to her.

"Yes," Sassy Gay Friend responded.

"I'd just like to let you know that all gay people are going to burn in hell solely because you were born different from everyone else. You'll be tortured right alongside people who prefer Ohio State over Michigan State, those born with green eyes, and writers in the _Iron Man_ fandom who ship Tony with anyone else other than Pepper," Trixie told him.

"Yeah, I'm never helping you again," Sassy Gay Friend decided and walked off, but not before stealing all of the hand-knitted items from the Belden household.

Trtixie was left to contemplate her situation, but then Mart walked in, stuffing his face like the foolish, one-dimensional glutton he was.

"Dot Murray is driving through Sleepyside in approximately one hour," he informed Trixie, cramming his mouth full of food. He then walked away, still eating food.

Trixie decided to form a plan. She snuck out into the game preserve and stole the ax from Mr. Maypenny's cabin ( A/N: LOL, I know mauls, not axes, are used to chop wood, but this is my fic, so I'm using creative license).

Dan was outside, but he didn't notice her because he was celebrating the Wiccan holiday of Beltane with all of his Wiccan friends in his Wiccan coven, which included the entirety of the Sleepyside High School football team, the entirety of the Sleepyside High School cheerleading squad, the entirety of the Sleepyside High School student government of each grade, and a bunch of goths. They were dancing naked around a flaming fire pit and drinking concoctions of herbs.

Then, Trixie sat in wait on the corner of Main Street, Sleepyside's main thoroughfare. When she saw Dot's car, a black convertible because Dot was an evil person because she was openly sexual, and evil people liked black stuff, she threw a shuriken at one of the tires so it would deflate.

Dot got out of the car. She was a tall, slim, beautiful girl girl with a lovely smile and shining, long blonde hair. She was wearing a flouncy short red skirt and a low-cut black tank top because she was a total slut. When she bent down to check out the damage, she deliberately positioned her butt so guys would look at her, and when she stood, she provocatively arched her spine to show off her boobs so guys would look at her.

But when guys looked at her they did so with revulsion and abhorrence because they thought Dot was hideous and ugly and a sad old skank, and she violated the city-wide dress code instituted to assure that all women in Sleepyside constantly dressed like Stepford Wives. They smiled at Trixie, though, because she was a good girl.

Like typical wish-fulfillment Trixie Belden fanfics, all of the guys found the hot girl totally unattractive, and thought the fun, natural girl was much prettier.

When Dot straightened up, Trixie snuck up behind her and cleaved the ax into Dot's skull until she lay still, and then Trixie continued to mutilate her corpse.

People stopped to look at her, but not because she was using a battle axe to brutally slay an innocent person (but Dot wasn't innocent and she deserved to be killed, 'cuz she was a **_WHORE_**). You see, like Hermione Granger in bad _Harry Potter _fanfic, Trixie had undergone a similar changes over the summer, as per usual in many a fanfiction story of questionable quality.

Trixie had lost all of her baby fat, and she now had curves in all the right places. Her hair was no longer short in length, unruly in texture and sandy in color, but now a curtain of gleaming golden curls that flowed to her waist. Also, she now was tall and graceful and wore a stylish skirt and cool, sophisticated shirt from Forever21, but her gory murder of Dot proved that she was still a tomboy.

(The audience of fics with the hackneyed "Trixie vs. Dot" premise is supposed to root for Trixie over Dot because Trixie is natural and a good person, not the beauty queen that Dot is. But Trixie's sudden transformation from an average teenager who is more concerned with abstract internal values than her physical appeal to a gorgeous girl who could pass for a supermodel actually removes her everygirl traits make her so likable and relatable in the first place and instead gives her the sort of infallible "perfect girl" attributes that Trixie fans seem to despise in Dot. We're supposed to hate Dot for being attractive, but love Trixie . . . for being attractive?

Those stories ruin the message that a good-hearted girl is better than simply a beautiful girl, because good-hearted Trixie will always end up metamorphosing and gaining the glamourous looks of an actress by the end, thus elevating the concept of beauty above moral values and raising all sorts of questions about the nature of truth and beauty. Can't a girl have a good heart and not be astoundingly beautiful? Shouldn't sound character be considered better than beauty? But since the writers of those fics fail to realize the irony, we'll pretend that the reason Trixie should beautiful is because she's the main character.)

Meanwhile Jim was making out with Dan. Then Dan said, "Sorry, but I'm asexual, not this horndog all fanfic writers seem to think I am," and then Dan went back to dancing and grinding in a group of girls and guys.

The mayor began organizing a ceremony to award Trixie a medal for killing Dot. You see, Dot was actually a menace to society. She stole candy from babies, entered supermarkets through the "Exit" door, pushed elderly people down the stairs, committed insurance fraud, and vandalized Christian churches. She wasn't really an ice-skater: she was really a street brawler, serial killer, and domestic terrorist.

In addition, Dot was a feminist who believed that women should be valued for their skills and achievements rather than their looks, and that the value of teenage girls shouldn't specifically be tied to their virginity. These crimes alone would have earned her the death sentence in Sleepyside, and rightfully so. Dot Murray was such a slut, and she deserved to die because she was a slut.

Trixie really did everyone a favor by killing her. Everyone so loved her for this, they abandoned the Christian concept that Jesus was the son of God, had died, and was not again incarnate, and decided that Trixie was actually Jesus (Sleepyside only contains Christians, BTW, no other religion is allowed).

Also, Trixie was always right, even when she's totally inconsiderate and rude, so no one could blame her for killing Dot even if they had wanted to. Trixie had no faults whatsoever. She was always utterly justified in her actions, including making fun of people for what they wear, as she mocked Honey and Dan without knowing either of them, in _The Secret of the Mansion_ and _The Black Jacket Mystery_, respectively.

A throne was quickly constructed, and parade was formed, all in honor of Trixie. They proceeded to the entrance to the town, where a billboard was erected and Dot's bloody body was strung in a hangman's noose. The billboard read:

_This is what happens to sexually-liberated women in Sleepyside._

_Signed lovingly,_

_J.I.X. (**J**esus **I**s Actually Tri**x**ie)_

Jim went out to see what all the hullabaloo was about. He found Trixie standing in front of a cheering crowd as she whacked Dot's cadaver with a baseball bat like a piñata, bashing in her rosebud mouth.

"Is that the remains of Dot Murray?" Jim asked.

"It is, Jim," Trixie replied, blushing. "I did this all for our love. Because I love you."

"I love you, too, Trix," Jim said.

"Really?" Asked Trixie, starry-eyed.

"Yes. I never liked Dot at all. I didn't have a choice in dancing or skating, or hanging out with her at all. She used telepathic mind-control to force me to do that," Jim told her. "I don't like tall, pretty girls. They're all sluts and evul whores. I prefer girls like you, Shamus. Tomboys, who, ironically, are totally changed by fanfic into cookie cutter pretty girls." And with that, Jim kissed her.

Trixie and Jim started dating. And then they got married. Then they divorced, because, realistically, a high school sweethearts-type marriage was unlikely to work out, especially when the couple consists of teenagers.

And everybody lived happily ever after, because Dot the slut was dead.

**THE END**


End file.
